It Will Always Just Be Me
by Love Butterfly
Summary: A loud moan escapes my lips as I feel wet kisses being placed on my neck. My eyes are closed right now and my hands have a firm grip on her shoulders. GabriellaxSharpay Gabpay


"Oh God…"

A loud moan escapes my lips as I feel wet kisses being placed on my neck. My eyes are closed right now and my hands have a firm grip on her shoulders. It still amazes me how she manages to get me panting and moaning so easily in a fraction of seconds. I don't give that much thought though as I throw my head back, allowing her better access.

We're in the middle of a very heated make-out section. The room is dark, only a dim light coming from one of the bedside lamps I think, but I can't be sure as I still keep my eyes closed the whole time. Her hands are now caressing my sides, as she reaches for my dress zipper and starts sliding it down. She does it so sensually everytime. Her lips travel a bit south and are now attacking my bare shoulders. I can't help but notice how sloppy they are today.

I immediately push that thought aside when I hear my dress falling on the floor with a soft thud. I catch my breath as I now expect her soft delicate hands to cup my breasts. Her touches are always so graceful, teasing almost. It burns my skin as I ache for more contact, but I know she won't give until later. I always call her a tease because of it and she always just smiles and tells me she knows I like it deep down. She's right about that. I love her teasing.

So it's safe to say I'm at least a bit shocked when instead of those light butterfly touches all I get is a pair of fumbly hands groping me with no grace at all. This is new, I think to myself. I try not to think too much on it and just allow myself to get lost in the pleasure they're providing me. I let out another moan and let my head drop back, totally lost in this daze. I can't wait to touch her and hear my name come out of those perfect pink lips of her. I love the way she says it, it gets me everytime. I lightly scrape my nails on her back, part because of the pleasure and part as a sad attempt to get her to give me one of those screams I love so much.

I hear a low, guttural moan and I freeze instantly. It feels like a bucket of cold water and I don't dare open my eyes.

"Gabriella? Is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?"

The magic is broken.

I take a deep breath before answering.

"No Troy, it's nothing. I'm sorry." I say as I reluctantly open my eyes to look at the brown haired boy above me.

"You sure? Cause you got all tense all of a sudden and-"

"I'm fine!" I blurt a bit harsher than I intended. He looks at me confused. "Look, it's nothing. Just keep doing what you were doing. That was perfect." I offer a smile.

I'm a filthy liar.

He is satisfied enough with my answer and goes back to the clumsy groping and sloppy kisses.

It's so different from hers. She has these ridiculously soft hands that always smell like peaches from her skin moisturizer. Her fingers are so delicate and nails perfectly manicured. I melt under her touch everytime. And her kisses? God, her kisses… They feel like heaven. I love the tiny kisses she leaves on my jaw line as she touches me ever so gracefully. But nothing compares to when she kisses me on the mouth and nibbles at my bottom lip. Even when they're the most heated and passionate, they're never sloppy. Wet, yes. Sloppy? Never. Unlike the ones I'm getting right now.

They're so… _wrong_.

Everything feels wrong right now. The touches, the rough hands, the kisses, the chapped lips, the moans, everything!

I need her.

I need her loving touch, her soft breathing, her angelic voice, her pink lips… I desperately need _her_.

_My Sharpay._

No, not mine. Not anymore.

You gave her up, remember? You broke up with her. You pushed her out of your life. You treated her like she was nothing. You traded her for Troy and your reputation. You made her feel like she wasn't the most important person on the world for you, which she was. _Still is_. You did this!

Stop! You did what you had to do. It was wrong and you did the right thing. You chose to have a normal life. You traded your Sharpay for Troy. Love for reputation. So stop! Stop thinking about her and her shiny blond hair and bubbly personality.

Don't think about those beautiful chocolate brown eyes that sparkled with joy everytime she looked at you. Don't think about those pretty lips and how they curled up in a smile everytime you told her you loved her. Don't think about the warm and comforting body that used to hold you everytime you were sad or upset or just feeling lonely. Don't think about her, period.

But it's easier said than done. And as I feel a slight pressure on my most heated area I can't help but let out another loud moan.

"Oh Sh-"

The word died on my throat as I suddenly open my eyes in shock. Troy stops and looks at me suspiciously. Damn it! You're so stupid Gabriella! What do I do? I start to panic.

"Did you just almost swear?" He asked smugly.

Relief washes over me as I see a smirk appear on his face. He thought I was going to say 'Oh Shit'.

"Y-Yeah. Good thing I caught myself before I actually said it." I stutter.

"Hmm… Next time don't. I'd love to hear you swear. So hot…" He whispers and goes back to his ministrations.

Enough Gabriella. _Enough._

"I can't do this." I whisper.

"What?" He looks confused.

"Troy, I… I'm sorry, I just can't. Where's my dress?" I babble as I get up from under him and start to scan the room for my previously discarded dress.

"Gabs, wait! Did I do something wrong?" He sounds worried but I couldn't care less.

"No. No, it's not you. I just… I'm sorry. I can't… I have to go." I slip my dress back up.

I'm not making much sense right now but I don't care. I need to get out of here. I need to get out before these tears start to fall. I ignore his pleas and just storm out of the room, the music from party downstairs filling my ears as I open the door.

I run past a couple random people on the hall as I rush downstairs. I keep telling myself how pathetic I am, over and over. That until I reach the last step and the living room. My legs come to a sudden stop and my heart skips a beat.

There she is. Sharpay Evans.

On the other side of the room, leaning on the wall across the wooden staircase I'm currently frozen at.

I slowly take in the sight before me. She still manages to take my breath away. Long tanned legs clad in short denim mini skirt and a pink top showing just the perfect amount of cleavage. God, she's beautiful. One arm is wrapped around her stomach and a red plastic cup on the other hand. She's staring at me. Intently.

She looks angry. I just stare back at her, a little bit ashamed. Does she know?

After a while she breaks the eye contact and walks a few steps over to where Chad is. She whispers something in his ear and he nods. She smiles at him and slowly walks back to where she was standing. I see Chad looking through some cds. He finds the one he was looking for and puts it on the stereo.

I look back at Sharpay and see she has a bitter smirk on her face now. She looks almost… Satisfied? She doesn't break eye contact anymore. I'm curious to what she's up to.

Suddenly the music starts blasting on the stereo and my stomach is sick. I immediately recognize this song.

_Is it still me that makes you sweat?  
Am I who you think about in bed?  
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking  
as you're sliding off your dress?_

I feel a sharp pain in my chest. Yes, she knows.

_Then think of what you did_

Several emotions are flashing through her eye right now. It's a mixture of hate, love, disgust, hurt, anger and so much more.

She whispers along with the song the next part, word by word, making sure I can read her lips.

_I hope to God he was worth it._

It's like a hard slap on my cheek and I feel like dyeing right now. My eyes start to water and I admit to myself, he wasn't.

_When the lights are dim and your heart is racing  
as your fingers touch his skin._

She's still smiling that bitter smile. It just doesn't suit her, my angel.

_I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck  
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me_

I'm sure she's enjoying my pain and I can't blame her. This is all my fault. I hurt her first.

_Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of  
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?_

_No, no, no, you know it will always just be me_

I can't take it anymore. I break eye contact for the first time as I turn to run away, tears falling freely on my cheeks. I just run past the crowd of people and out of the house.

I feel my stomach getting sick and I pour all its contents on the flower garden beside the door. I'm sure Chad will be in trouble for his mother's ruined petunias, but I couldn't care less right now.

I just stay like this for a while, kneeling on the front porch, and then finally dropping on all four as my crying turns into heavy sobs. The dirt from the garden is getting under my manicured nails and my beautiful dress has dirt all over it too. But all I care about right now is her. How could I do that to her? I deserve to be in pain, she doesn't. I can't help thinking I don't deserve her. Hell, I _know_ I don't.

Because even though I keep thinking that if I could go back I would do things differently, at the end of the day I'm still the same coward. I probably would have done the same thing again.

And I hate myself for that.

As the crying subsides I slowly get up and walk back inside the house. I should probably go looking for Troy.

I'm glad to see Sharpay is not there anymore. I quickly scan the room for my boyfriend but have no luck at spotting him. I let out a sigh.

Suddenly I feel someone stop behind me. A familiar perfume fills my senses. I can feel her lips close to my ear. So close I can feel her breath. I shiver. It feels so good.

"It will always just be me." She whispers after a moment.

Her voice is husky and soft, but her words are dripping with venom.

She walks past me and stops in front of a random basketball player. She flashes him a seductive smile and takes the drink from his hand, chugging it in one sip. She throws the plastic cup on the floor and grabs a hold of his shirt, clashing their lips in a heated kiss.

I feel like somebody just ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it. It hurts like hell to watch this and yet I can't get myself to look away. It's like I'm hypnotized.

She breaks the kiss and stands on the tip of her toes to whisper something in his ears. He nods frantically. I want to kill him. I seriously want to wrap my small hands around his muscular neck and choke him to death. How dare he think he's remotely good enough to touch my Sharpay?

Apparently _she_ thinks he is. She takes his hand in hers and drags him to the staircase.

My blonde angel gives me one last look and a hurt smile before going up with him.

I don't move, talk or look away from the steps. I'm not even sure I'm breathing right now.

"Gabriella! I've been looking everywhere for you!" Troy says as he approaches me. "We need to talk."

I just stand there, as if the life has just been completely sucked out of me.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Take me home." I say barely above a whisper, still looking at the stairs.

"What? But-"

"Please. I just wanna go home." I finally look away and he can see the silent tears in my eyes. He nods and escorts me out of the house and into his car.

As we drive through the night I can't stop thinking about that song. Sharpay's words playing over and over in my head.

**It will always just be me.**

* * *

_Hi everyone! I know I told you guys I would post an update for one of my old fics soon (most likely Starstruck, but there's still time to vote), but I've been in such an angsty mood right now that I thought it would be better to get it out of my system first and then write the update rather than just screwing up a story with unnecessary angst. lol_

_This is my most mature fic so far and I hope you guys enjoyed it! Please review! And sequel: yay or nay?_

_Also, do you guys like my fics where Troy plays quiet a big part, like Did It Ever Cross Your Mind? Because not many people reviewed and I was just wondering._

_Anyway, this is it! Review and keep reading my fics!_

_Love,  
Nini_

Disclaimer: I don't own High School Musical or the song "Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" by Panic! At The Disco.


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